Did you know that your will doesn't cover funeral and cemetery arrangements?
Many Swedes have a will or intend to make one, but often they forget about the last crucial step in their end-of-life planning.
Funeral and cemetery arrangements are often overlooked topics, and surprisingly, many Swedish citizens are unaware of their loved ones' end-of-life wishes, including their parents'.
Let's change that by starting a friendly conversation.
Why is it important to discuss final arrangements with your parents?
Your parents' end-of-life plans involve more than just what's written in their will, such as whether they prefer cremation or burial.
Ensuring you fulfill your parents' wishes means removing any uncertainty about how to honor their legacy, and the best way to do that is by starting a conversation.
Starting the conversation might not feel easy initially—perhaps your parents avoid discussing death or you're not accustomed to having such sensitive talks. However, without these conversations, you might struggle to fulfill their wishes.
Consider a few common scenarios:
- Your parent wishes to be laid to rest in a family burial plot but hasn't mentioned it before.
- Despite not following other religious or cultural practices, your parents envision a traditional send-off.
- One parent needs to update their final arrangements to include their blended family.
While discussing these matters might feel challenging, it's essential not only for their peace of mind and financial planning but also for your own.
That's why we're sharing three tips to kickstart the conversation today.
1) Use an object to open the discussion
Consider taking pressure off your parents (and yourself) by starting the conversation with something to look at while you speak.
For example, you might grab a photo album off their shelf and ask how they want their life to be remembered. You can call your parents and tell them you stumbled across a prayer card from your aunt’s funeral that made you curious about whether she had planned it. Or perhaps wear the necklace you inherited from your grandmother and ask how she made those final decisions. You could also ask about if your parents have insurance, and if so, do they have life insurance, funeral insurance, or a different kind?
The idea is to let the object trigger the conversation and give it purpose. Talking about something specific can make it easier to explore a topic that might otherwise feel overwhelming.
2) Talk about a funeral you attended
Talking about other people’s final arrangements is a natural way to start the conversation with your parents because it’s focused externally—this was someone else’s passing. Once you’re on the topic, it’s a gentler transition to what your parents want for themselves.
So, how do you bring it up? You might have said goodbye to someone recently, but it could have been years since the last funeral you attended. If that’s the case, try mentioning how you were thinking of a passed loved one the other day, or tell your parents that you drove by the cemetery where someone you know was laid to rest. Share with them how it brought up memories of that final goodbye and got you thinking about what you want—or don’t want.
For example, “I remember they had an open casket at the funeral. I’d personally prefer not to. What do you think about it?”
3) Share the financial benefits
The financial angle can be a very effective option if your parents feel that discussing death is morbid or unlucky. It’s especially useful if they take pride in being financially responsible or plan to leave a financial legacy for their children or a charity. Connecting the topic of pre-planning to their values will help persuade them that it’s a conversation worth having.
There are countless financial benefits to pre-planning final arrangements, such as:
- Locking in today’s prices to avoid ever-rising funeral and cemetery costs
- Securing a payment plan now instead of leaving their spouse or children to cover the costs amid their grief
- Peace of mind, knowing that the money won’t come out of their children’s pockets, inheritances, or charitable gifts they had planned to leave behind
A good way to bring up the financial benefits of pre-planning is to share that you just learned about it in a blog post or from a financial advisor.
The best benefit of talking about pre-planning
Starting the conversation with your parents about final arrangements provides more than peace of mind: it allows you to get to know each other's values more deeply and reflect on shared memories. You’ll feel satisfied knowing that their final wishes will be honored.